The Road Ahead

Sorry that it's been a while. I figured I'd wait until I had some actual news to report. I have been doing well, feeling good, and getting more mobility back in my arms every days. I'm still not able to lift anything more than 5 pounds, but the good news is that I can get my arms above my head enough to wash my hair and wear something other than a zip up shirt!!!!! Getting it off is a little trickier. I am still overwhelmed by all of the help everyone one gives us. I can honestly say that this Thanksgiving I have learned what it is to give Thanks.

I had a battery of appointments on Wednesday which dominated the morning. Let's see... I filled out an online questionnaire on what I knew about treatments, watched a movie about treatments, filled out another questionnaire about what I learned about treatments, and then spoke with the director of the program about the questionnaires. Fun. Actually, it wasn't that bad. Then I had a PT appointment which was helpful. Then the really fun part started. We (Jason and I) had an appointment with the oncologist, which lasted about an hour and a half. He went over my history, did a brief exam, and then went over his ideas about a plan. SO, here's the plan:

I start with Chemo on Tuesday, December 9th. This is what he calls dose dense. The name: AC-Taxol. The A is Adriamycin, the C is Cyclophosphamide. These two are given to me via IV over 2 hours, every two weeks for 4 cycles (8 weeks). The Taxol comes next, being the following 8 weeks, an IV over 4 hours, every two weeks. So, my last one will be March 17, which he said will most likely be dyed green to celebrate St Patty's Day!

Jason and I were overwhelmed to say the least with the plethora (had to use that word) of "what you MAY feel". But it's a list of things that I may not feel either. I'm going with that option. Everyone handles it differently. The thing that chemo aims at doing is going for the cells in a persons body that divide fast. So these cells are cancer cells, but also the cells in your gut (intestinal tract) and hair follicle cells. So this would be the reason that you feel sick and you lose your hair. Yes, I'll be bald around Christmas time. I'm actually not that bothered by it. I really want to do EVERYTHING I can to get the best possible chance at this never being an issue again. And I decided that I'm going to tell Sadie like this: "You are NOT going to believe what this medicine is going to do to my hair!!!!!" The doc also talked about possibly feeling something called "chemo brain". I don't see any difference between this and " have two kids, work full time and try to behave like you sleep enough" brain, so that transition should be seamless.

If I don't need radiation (still up in the air), I'll be ready for the next phase of reconstruction in mid April. They may recommend the radiation because of my age (young) and because of the type of tumor it was (LVI). As I said the last time I wrote, that is a more aggressive one, so they may decide it's a good idea. Anyhow, this would begin after March 17th. If not, I go for the final implants in April, after a LONG WARM BEACHY vacation (hint hint Jason).

So, in a nut shell, I am doing well, a little overwhelmed, slightly wigged out, overall still as semi normal as ever. I am convinced (still) that I have the world's greatest husband, son, and daughter. Not to mention the rest of my incredible family here, in North Carolina, Maine, New York, Alabama, Mass, Florida, Connecticut, California, and friends across the globe! I love you all! Thank you!

Happy Thanksgiving! Love, Ash

GREAT NEWS!!!!!!

Well, I probably gave it away in the title, but I have finally heard from the doc. Here goes:


*no more in any of the lymph nodes! What they found the day of surgery was it. The other three they took were clear. The one that had the 10 or so cells in it was so minimal that they call it something like "N zero", as in node zero. Essentially, it means there was less than .2 mm and it was so small they stopped counting. The doc was very happy that she did not decide to "take all" last Tuesday. As she put it: "a very good game day decision"! The doc also said this is not how it always goes... usually when they find even that little through that method (the frozen section during surgery, which is what she called a "quick and dirty" look), that it rarely comes back as clear in the rest of them. So yippee for me!!!!!!


*mine is what they call estrogen positive, which means that I can have hormone therapy like tamoxifen (spelling?). That is good because it is just one more way of treating it.


*the jury is still out on whether I am in line for radiation. The reason being that they think mine is what they call angio-lymphatic invasion or lympho-vascular invasion. I think this mainly refers to where it is found. This title means that it could be a more aggressive type of tumor, which would mean that the target specific radiation is a good idea. Dr. Kari said that since I am 37 and not over 40, this is the only reason she thinks they would even think about recommending it. I'll know more next week about that.

*Dr Kari said she would be surprised if the medical oncologist (Kari's the surgical oncologist) did not recommend chemo, only because of my age (young). I told her at this point I would feel strange NOT having it because I want to know that I did everything I could, and without it, I think I'd feel like I left a stone unturned. So, I meet with both of them next week, and more than likely will start chemo one to two weeks after that. If radiation were necessary, it would happen after chemo.

I probably forgot something, but I think you all get the picture. Life is good! I am so happy not to be looking another surgery in the eye. That one would have been way less fun than the one that is already a week behind me!!!!

Thank you everybody for being so wonderful and supportive to all of us. I really couldn't do this without you. Lots of love, Ash

Saturday Morning

4 days after surgery and I feel GREAT! Relatively speaking. I have the most wonderful people taking care of me. My mom and Kelly have been keeping me well over here, and Jason and Brenda have our house well under control. This is not to mention all of the folks driving to and from with my kids, making meals, working on finishing projects at our house, etc... Did I mention how much I appreciate everyone, near and far?

I was hoping to hear from the docs yesterday about the pathology results, but no such luck. Dr. Kari said if she found out over the weekend, she would call, but it may turn into Monday. I am not too nervous, but at the same time, it would be nice to hear that I am in the clear. I have an appointment on Monday morning with Dr. Demas, the plastic surgeon. He will hopefully take the drains (2) out because I don't really see that they are taking too much out. He'll also check the incisions. I am looking forward to that. The drains are to make sure that no pockets are left where they did the surgery.... very standard procedure.

I took another walk down to the bottom of Moo's driveway this morning. Kelly and Sadie accompanied me. Sadie spent the night last night and that made me so very happy. I still haven't seen Chaser, but it wouldn't be fair to yet. It would be selfish on my part, because there is no way of him understanding why I wouldn't just pick him up and squeeze him! A few more days will give me even more mobility in my arms (right now I can reach out about 6-8 inches) and then I can see him.

I hope you all enjoy the lovely November weather (which may be easier for some than others)!

Cheers, Ash

Here I am

Well, I just managed to erase an entire entry...oops! The jist of it: I am well, feeling good at my mom's, and just happy to be 2-3 days post surgery. I took a shower and that made a world of difference. The pain isn't terrible, more itchy than anything else. I know this recouping thing would not be possible without all of your help and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! I promise to pay it forward. Now, with Danny's amazing chicken soup in my belly, and Starbuck's coffee ice cream with mom's hot fudge sauce to top it off, I am in good shape! Thank you all for for every wish, thought, prayer, flower, goodie, drywalling expertise and baby sitting shift! I love you all! Ash

Heading Home!

Hi All,
I have good news, Ash is headed to Moo's (Mom's) today around 11 am. After a good night sleep and a good review from the docs, she was set to head out of the hospital and into a good comfy bed at Mom's house.
When I get down there this afternoon I will update more, but please feel free to call my cell still if you want an update.
Thanks again for the support! The cards, flowers, visits and love have been HUGE in my whole ordeal.

I love you all,
Ash & Kel

Afternoon News...

Dear Friends,
I am pretending to be Ash right now.
My cell is still on if you want to call me so you don't wake Ash up.
Kelly

Hi everybody! Thanks for all your cards, flowers, support and calls. I truly appreicate them and can't believe how lucky I am to have friends and family like you all.
I am sleepy and going to rest for the rest of the evening. I love having you visit but am going to ask that my only visitors this evening are Sadie and Jason. I am looking forward to seeing one of my munchkins here and then sleeping it off for the rest of the night.
I feel well; just tired and sore. The docs are happy with my progress and I am walking around better each time I get up.
Enjoy your evening and know that I am thinking of you and am so happy to have you in my life. I will see you in the coming days.
Thanks,
Ash

The morning after....

Hello and good morning from DHMC.
After a lot of rest and some good morphine, Ash is doing much better. She has a lot more color to her and her spunk is returning.
Both her doctors came in this morning and each one said they thought she was doing really well. So much so that they have given her the OK to go home today if she is up to it. We shall see.
Ash got up and walked around and felt pretty good about it. I think it was a scary thought but once she did it and was on the go realized that it was going to be alright and gained more confidence in her ability to move around.
Currently resting up for the next move, Ash says hi to all and can't wait to see and talk to you soon. I will let you know soon where we will be and when. If anyone wants to call but doesn't feel like calling the room, please feel free to call my cell at 802-522-3832.
Have a great day and thanks again!
Kel & Ash

What are YOU doing up at 1:15 am?

Hi All,
Kel here. I am still with Ash and she is sleeping soundly. She is doing very well and is pretty comfortable. Aside from being in one position for the last 10 hours and being annoyed at that, she is resting peacefully.
All vitals are great and snoring like a champ.
I have passed on all your good thoughts, wishes and sentiments and Ash is greatful. She was glad to hear that you are reading and wants to say hi when her thoughts are a little less jumbled. (We have heard some doozies in the last few hours! I love the movie quotes she has come up with.)
Thanks for being such an important part of Ash's world.
Sleep well,
Kel & Ash

Recovery Update

Hi, it's Kelly again.

Sterling (our brother) and I are here with Ashley and it is about 7:30 pm Tuesday night. Ash is doing well and her doctors are happy with her results so far.

She is dozing on and off and is kind of funny when awake. Mostly lucid with periods of crazy-talk!

Seriously though, she looks good and isn't in much pain. She says aside from the elephant sitting on her chest, it is not that bad. The doctor said he could give her some peanuts to throw into the corner of the room to see if the elephant would leave and she said she'd love to if she could raise her arms that much:) Her sense of humor has not abandoned her one bit.

Jason is at home with the munchkins and Sadie gets to come see her mom tomorrow night. She and Ash are both anxiously awaiting that moment.

I will write more and I know Ash wants to say hi too when she wakes up in a little while.

Good night for now,

Kel & Ash

Surgery Update # 1

Hi All,
This is Kelly, Ash's sister. I just heard from our Mom who is with Jason at the hospital. They just heard from the doctor and here is what we know so far. We will keep this updated when Ash gets into her room and begins the recovery process! It is about 1:15 pm now.
The first part of the surgery went very well. The plastic surgeon is working his magic currently and they should be finished in about an hour or so.
Ash went through the first part well and is holding up strong (as we knew she would!). They removed 4 lymph nodes when they originally thought they would have to take 6. That is good news. They did not find any cancer in the chest wall or cavity which is great.
Ash will have to have chemotherapy but they won't know about radiation until probably next week. From what I understand the chemo is more of a whole body cleanse and the radiation is more target specific. Chemo will start in about three weeks after the initial recovery period is well underway.
There is a lot of love in the waiting room and Ash knows that we are all here for her whether in person or with our thoughts and prayers.
I should have more for you this evening after Ash gets into her room and Jason and she are able to meet with the doctors.
Thanks for your support,
Kel & Ash

Some details

Well, here it is... WAY too late to be on here, but I have some time to sleep it off tomorrow! I go in at 7 am , and things should be under way by 9:30am. I am told the whole process will be about 5 hours. The way we figure it, Jason won't be seeing my sleepy head until 3 or 4 in the afternoon. I am feeling great and very ready to do this. My sister Kelly will add something to this as soon as there is something to add. Wish me all the positive energy you all can muster and I'll be in touch soon! I can't thank everyone enough for all you have already done for us!
Love Ash

I can't believe my surgery is only 4 days away. Everyone around here is working so hard to finish up projects that have been set into motion (high gear is more like it). I don't even feel like I am helping... I am more like the pile mover. I see a pile, I sort through it, essentially making four more piles, and then get involved with another pile to the point where I forget that piles 1 through 5 even existed. There should be a statute of limitations on piles.

My stay at the "big house" as some who work there call it, will actually end earlier than I initially thought. They say only 1-2 days in. After which, I think I'll recoop at my moms for a few days so that the kiddos aren't having to tip toe around me and I get some extra days under my belt.

I am holding up pretty well, atleast from my vantage point... others (Jason) may disagree. I spoke with another friend (whom I met through Keeper's) that works in radiation up at Dartmouth. He was really helpful in talking about my decisions, and ensured my confidence in the program up there. Whenever a new idea or revelation comes to the table though, I get a little anxious about the decisions I am making. I then go back to my inner drawing board, go down the list of why and why not, and I find myself back where landed earlier. Now I need to find myself crawling into bed.

When I grow up

What's that saying... "When I grow up, I want to be the person my dog thinks I am".... Here's what I think:

"When I grow up, I want to be the person my friends think I am."

This just in from a wonderful friend:

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning,

The Devil shutter's and says, "Oh sh..t, she's awake!"

Have a great day!

What's Going On

Hello from Ashley!

If you are reading this, you are aware of what's been happening in our lives for the last month. To recap: In mid October, I had a biopsy on my left breast that didn't result in great news. After several meetings with amazing doctors, nurses, surgeons, and support people, I have decided to have a bilateral (double) mastectomy, immediately followed by implant reconstruction (same day). My Goal: to give myself the lowest possible chance of having to deal with this again. My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, November 11. I will stay in the hospital for 3-4 days, and then begin a lengthy recovery at home. I am so incredibly lucky to have the support I do from our family, friends, my Keeper's family and most of all from Jason. He has been so amazing throughout this roller coaster ride.

In spite of everything, I truly believe that I am one lucky woman. I am surrounded by people who love me, love Jason, Sadie & Chase, and who continue to prove time and time again that they will go to any length to see us through to the other side of this challenge; the side where I am free and clear and healthy! My Keeper's family (Danny, Eli, Scott, Dianne, Mike, Sam, Josh, Delle, Kim, Sue, Amber, Sara & Molly) is so helpful in filling in the gaps, making me laugh, and keeping things in perspective. God love all of us crazies!

Whether you are geographically near or far, I sense all of your love and support and I appreciate every bit of it. I am starting this blog to help all of us, me included, sort through all of the information that will be dispersed in the near future. Of course, I am not known for my consistent email capabilities, but I will do my best!

As far as how things are really going, they are going pretty well. Sadie knows I am going into the hospital to have a bump taken out, and that I will be very sore when I get out. Her concerns are how they will get it out, and naturally, if it will hurt. And most importantly, if she will have to spend ALL that time at home with Dad! Overall, I think she is acting like a regular 5 year old that thinks she's in charge of the world. Yes, she's a touch more fragile, but I think we all are. Chaser is doing well, and will probably feel the brunt of this when I come home, unable to pick him up for a good couple of weeks. I am not looking forward to this reality. Jason, as I mentioned earlier, has been so terrific. He has been working so hard to finish up projects at our house, in addition to juggling the rest of his work. I think this is so much harder on him because there is so much that falls onto his plate with me out of commission. I need to keep him healthy and sane throughout all of this and I'll employ any help I can get. I can't imagine what this is like for our parents, simply because I can't imagine if it were Sadie or Chase. I love all of you.

As for me, I feel terrific. Nothing hurts, or feels different, and I think this is the most difficult part. I am having a hard time understanding that next week, I will walk into Dartmouth Hitchcock feeling this good, and walk out in rougher shape. On the flip side, I think that once this is out of me, I will feel much better. Time will tell. The plan for post surgery is not certain yet, and most of it will depend upon the outcome of my surgery. I'll keep you posted.

Love and thanks, Ash