I feel Lucky

I really do, feel lucky that is.

I met a few people today that put a lot of what I have to do in perspective. Spending 9 hours in the Infusion Suite at Dartmouth is an eye opener. When I see people walk in, what I feel is not a matter of greedy curiosity to know what they are in for, but a desire to know how they are feeling about it, how often they have to be here, how much longer they have to have treatments, if they are as fortunate as me to have incredibly supportive people all around, to know if they are feeling sad, beaten down, depressed, or determined, strong, up beat, or if every single one of these reactions fires in their blood stream at the same time and if it overwhelms them as it does me. Some of these people I get a chance to talk to, some I don't. I met a woman today with lung cancer, going through her second round of chemo after major surgery. Her round ends when her chemo regimen stops working. With her bright blue eyes, broad smile, and curly red hair that was growing back in, I never would have guessed that last January, she had been told she only had 2-4 weeks to live. Amazing woman. So, I do feel lucky, and it's not because she's less fortunate. It's because she has hope, and her hope is contagious. It's because I have the strength to get through my treatment. It's because (I hate spelling 'because') my situation isn't that bad. Okay, actually, it sucks, but it will be over soon.

My apologies for not catching up sooner. The last few weeks have been pretty crazy. Remember the blood loss? Well, my colonoscopy and endoscopy were both clear... very good news, because I was nervous. But these results left a lot of unanswered questions. Last week, my doc ordered blood tests to rule out some things, then possibly a bone marrow biopsy to figure out why all of my levels were okay, except for the red blood cells. One blood test ordered was testing for the Parvo Virus. I know you are thinking dogs get that, not people. Well, that's what I thought too. But people get do get it, and it is also known as Fifth disease, as in not one of the four mumps, measles, rubella, chicken pox. Well, Fifth disease is a virus, and a kid usually gets a low grade fever, then a rash. By the time we see the rash, they are no longer contagious, and there isn't a darn thing we can do to treat them. Now, when a person with a compromised immune system gets it, they get achy, and their bodies stop making red blood cells. It sounds funny, but I had never been so happy to have a disease in all my life. It meant the next stop of a bone marrow biopsy could be eliminated. YAH HOO for me and the Parvo!!!!!!

So, over the last two weeks, blood transfusions have been pretty regular occurrences and in light of all of this, my chemo schedule has changed. I had been holding that March 24th end date as the brass ring. Now that they have pinpointed the blood problem, the solution is to give me the remainder of my treatments over a longer period of time. The new plan is a treatment of a lesser dose EVERY Tuesday, the last being April 21st. I am not thrilled, but like I said, overall I am a very lucky person. This change should raise my levels, give me more energy, lessen my need for transfusions, and maybe lessen any side effects. The side effects of this "cocktail" that I experienced are achy-ness in joints and bones. I will never know whether this achy-ness is from the Parvo or the Taxol.

My day today, consisted of two units of blood and a unit of chemo, and all the premeds that go along with these. If you are looking for a quality nap in a comfortable Lazy Boy with a warm blanket, I highly recommend the IV form of benadryl they give me before my transfusions!!!!! It puts me right out. We'll see what it does for my sleeping habits tonight!

Jason and I also met with a Radiation Oncologist last week. As a team, it was decided that I would do the Radiation therapy, beginning ~2 weeks after chemo ends. I'll go five days a week for 28 sessions. I am guessing this will end around the 10th of June. My next reconstructive surgery will be sometime after that. There are a few concerns about having the expander in me during radiation, and I have a meeting with the Plastic Surgeon and Radiation Oncologist together in March to figure out the best course of action.

Thanks for listening to me go on and on. I hope spring is coming soon wherever you are (we here in VT are not a close as I had thought... at least a foot of snow fell on Sunday! )

Love and gratitude for all of your help!

Ash

Not what I expected

Well, yesterday was interesting. I did not receive my treatment, but did find out why I have been so bloody tired and have had untouchable headaches: my blood work this time around showed I was VERY anemic, like 40% low. Kind of like being 2 quarts low of oil in your car. Chemo supresses the white blood cell production as well as the red, but I receive a boost to help my body make more white. This comes in the form of my Neulasta shot I receive 24 hours after the treatment. They don't give me a boost for the red blood cell production for a few reasons, most of them falling into the too dangerous category. So, the Doc said no chemo, but I had a blood transfusion instead (2 units). We don't know the reason, which is a bit perplexing. He has ordered some tests (endoscopy) so see where it (the blood) is going. Hopefully, some of it is because of the chemo eating away the red blood cells, and the other is as simple as leaving via my colon and beyond. It was a weird feeling to be almost upset at not getting the treatment, but I really want this all behind me. But here is what I have come up with:

Positive side of this #1: I get another week of feeling better before I do it again.
#2: I don't have to have a treatment the week of Sadie's school vacation!
#3: I don't have a headache.
#4. I now understand why I have been SO wiped out.
#5. There are actually icicles melting outside, which means spring is closer and closer every day, which means the end of March will be here before we know it.

I will keep you all posted as to what happens next. In the mean while, keep smiling and enjoying life!

Love Ash